Today was our last full day on the island and it was busy!  It was almost like NOT being on vacation, we were so busy.  Here’s a quick run down of everything we got to.

1.)  Run errands in Lihue with Mom;

2.)  Go souvenier shopping at Hilo Hattie’s (yes, I know that I’m acting like tourist, and most of the same items can be had for half price at Wal-Mart, but I had to take Chris);

3.)  Go Boogie Boarding at Breneckes Beach where I was swimming with a Sea Turtle (ask Chris about how much fun he had when we get home)

4.)  Go Geocaching Mahaulepu;

5.)  Go swimming at Mahaulepu;

6.)  Rescue a lost dog on our way back from the beach (but it’s ok, ’cause Kauai has a no-kill shelter for her);

7.)  Go to dinner with my parents at Keoki’s;

8.)  Finally, we will try to fall asleep in the oppresive heat and humidity (the trade-winds have stopped blowing).

The tag from the Geocache Trackable Coin that we left on the island.

The road out to Mahaulepu. It's pretty isolated and very nice there.

Where we went Geocaching

Where we eventually found the cache. Can you see it in there?

The lost puppy we found that really wanted to meet Darth. She had a tag on her and we thought that she would be missed, so we took her to the Humane Society so that they could find her family.

When my 16th birthday came around and I asked for the keys, I was told “silly boy, I meant when you graduate from high school.” When I graduate highschool: “I really meant your 21st birthday.” Since then, the car has been dangled like a carrot in front of a plow horse and I should finally get it when I finish my degree . It’s over 40 years since the car drove off the assembly line, and nearly 30 years after it was promised to me. Hopefully, I will be driving this car out to the Oregon coast during the summer of 2011. We shall see.

In the meantime, it has just gotten out of the body shop with a beautiful hooker-nail-polish-red enamel finish. I’ve really never seen it look so good, or for that matter, someone so good looking driving it (with the exception of my mother – she’s a hottie).

After returning home, and throwing up breakfast, I was hungry.  We ordered $70 worth of pizza (that’s two large two toppings) from Brick Oven Pizza.  Tell me, why do people rave about this crap?  The crust tastes like wheat flavoured cardboard, the cheese is greasy and the toppings come from a can.  Pizza hut is so much yummier.

Anyhoo, we’re off for our last day adventures.  We’re going boogie boarding at Shipwrecks, and then off to buy souvenirs.  I’ve included some pictures from the boat and the coast.  Maybe you will find them more enjoyable than I did.

I have discovered a new hobby!  chasing squirrels – they are way better than rats because they climb trees and I can bark at them and they run faster too! I hear they taste like chicken – I hoping to try some!  Sunday was not at all the day I expected.  It was not raining (for once) so breakfast was al fresco with arroz con huevos (rice and eggs) with a benedryl chaser and since the sun was out I got to be outside for a very long time (dogs don’t understand time so I can’t tell you how long).  Hence, the squirrel hunt.

There’s another guest here; she’s rather annoying a times but she has learned to leave me alone but won’t share her toys (Bitch!). She can’t go outside without being on lease (hehehe) so I walk right by her and she can’t follow (hahaha).

I have a choice of three places to sleep – the bed with the lady who runs this place (nickname Sleeps With Dogs) but the nasty little thing sleeps there too and it’s kinda crowded, my bed which is at the foot of the bed next to the fireplace (aaah) or the couch.  I tend to choose the couch – lots of room and no nasty creature.
I did a great job and warned Sleeps With Dogs that someone was in the back yard so now there are locks on the gates.
We all took a long nap Sunday morning . ..naps are my favorite thing . (again I don’t know how long) but it was very nice.

Sleeps with Dogs puts my medicine in my ears so I don’t need to scratch them as much.  All in all  my stay at this place is pretty good.  I miss you but I’m having a good time – even the little dog is fun to play with once in awhile.

I miss you oodles – Lick you soon!

Darth

The four of us drove up to check out the canyon.  It looks the same as it did 10 years ago, but I’m glad that Chris got to see it.  My sister was savagely attacked  by a rouge rooster while spreading out chicken feed.  Her medical training definetely came in handy and she determined that she was ok to continue on.

The road ends at the look out for Kalalau Valley, and Chris got some good photos. We had lunch, followed by more shave ice, and then it was back to the airport.  That evening, I got to show off my trophy boyfriend at dinner with some old friends.

Stoopid Haoles!

Killer Chickens!

Kalalau Valley

Hey baby, what's yo number?

There aren't many really good things about Kauai, but alchohol in the grocery stores is definetely a plus.

On the drive back, we had lunch at L&L (which incidentally is much much better than the L&L in Portland).  We took a nap that afternoon and had dinner at home.  Desert was a Hula Pie at Dukes with a couple of Pina Coladas.

Tunnels Beach

Ke'e Beach

Duke's Canoe Club

Hula Pie =)

We hit the McDonald’s drive through and Chris got his first taste of Saimin as opposed to Ramen.  I know that there are those who will say I should’ve taken him to Hamura‘s.  But I really hate that place.  Anyhoo, Saimin is kinda gross and what’s up with that Fishcake crap?  It hardly looks like fish and it sure as hell doesn’t taste like cake.  They shouldn’t be allowed to do that.

Since we were already on that side of the island, we went to Salt Pond (where they make the Hawaiian Sea Salt) to eat our cheeseburgers, and then hit Lappert’s for ice cream.  On the way back we also ran across the swinging bridge in Hanapepe.

After another quick nap, it was off to dinner at JJ’s Broiler on Kalapaki Bay.  That restaurant sure has changed.  It used to be a nice casual dining, open air restaurant.  Now it’s a run down sports bar with bitchy servers.  We went to check out the gay men’s bonfire at Kealia beach, but instead decided to go to the movies.  Chris really enjoyed “The Invention of Lying.”  I fell asleep 20 minutes into it.

I think today we’re gonna go snorkeling at Tunnels out on the North Shore.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  =)

Mahaulepu Beach

Salt Pond Beach

Swinging Bridge over the Hanapepe River

By far, the world's best ice cream.

The service at JJ's really sucked, but the view over the bay was nice.

We really need to talk about this luau thing.  We went to “Smith Tropical Paradise.”  I swear these people are trying to be a Hawaiian Disneyland.  We boarded a tram (no, I’m not joking), for a tour of their 30 acre tropical garden that’s been trimmed and manicured like southern Californian gold digging realtor.  It was kinda scary.  Their hula show was scarier.  They did a “tribute” to Chinese, Japanese and Filipino dances.  I was offended by the racial stereo types and I’m the whitest person I know.  All in all, it was still an enjoyable evening and I’m glad we got to do it.

Here are some pictures and a couple of videos from yesterday.  Enjoy, and feel free to leave your thoughts too.

Yes, we really are this cute...

Chris at Wailua Falls

'Opaeka'a Falls

I'm not sure that this plaque is at all important, but this way you get to decide for yourself.

Here's a tour boat on it's way up the river to the Fern Grotto. I don't know that we'll make it to the Fern Grotto, and I'm not sure that it matters.

One of the things I use to hate about Kauai was that everyone spoke Pidgin. Now I think it's kind of quaint how it's called "Shave Ice" and not "Shaved Ice" (only a haole would call it "Shaved Ice"). I wonder if that means I'm turning into a tourist....

Who would've thought that you could sell frozen water and sugar for $4....

Proof positive that men on Kauai have small penises. I mean really, what's the point of this lift? The wheels/tires are both stock, so the truck's ground clearance hasn't been changed. I guess the crappy ride, lower stabilty and worse gas mileage make this seem really attractive. I just don't understand.

ooooo, he IS hot

Welcome to the Luau...

Waiting in line for the tram. See? It is like Disneyland.

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

Robert and the parentals.

You'll notice that the flower is on the left side. That mean's I'm not available.

"I think I have the malaise. I feel listless."

"Eeewwwwwwwww...you should have that checked out."

"Hellooooooooooooooooo in there."

Hey baby, how you doin'?

"No one passes this bridge by me, unless you can answer my questions, three..."

ALOHA!

We’re gonna drive from Lawai to Haena, stopping at the Menehune Fish Pond, Wailua Falls, Opaekaa Falls, the Arboretum, Kilauea Lighthouse, the Wet and Dry caves and for shave ice in Hanalei.  This should be a good day.  =)

Kauai Sunrise

I think we took the least direct path into Kauai.  From PDX, to Maui, to Honolulu to Kauai.    Our flight from PDX to Maui was uneventful and as enjoyable as traveling coach ever can be.  I understand why airlines have stopped flying DC-10′s and MD-11′s in favor of the 767, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.  The seats are so cramped, and if I didn’t feel fat before I certainly feel obese now.

We were scheduled to land in Maui at 12:50, giving us about an hour to make our connection to Honolulu.  We touched down at 1:25, and then hauled ass from one side of the airport to the other.  Let me tell you, that is no easy task for chubby boys wearing hoodies in 85 degree heat with oppressive humidity.  Thankfully we made it to our connection with a few minutes to spare.  We asked the gate agent if she thought our luggage would make it onto the plane.  She responded with “Well, it’s a connection.” No shit, really?  This is exactly what I mean: people here are nice and not helpful.  A helpful answer would have been “probably not, but you can coordinate with baggage services in Honolulu to make sure you get your bags.”  Chris responded snarkily “thanks for that bit of useless info.”  Wow, I really love him – he can be such a bitch at just right times.  We were certain that our luggage did not make it onto the plane.

The ancient DC-9 touched down in Honolulu 30 minutes later (seriously, I can’t believe that Hawaiian is STILL flying DC-9′s and kept thinking about that Aloha Airlines flight back in the 80′s where the plane got torn apart due to metal fatigue (Check it out – Aloha Flight 243).

This is where it get’s interesting and more annoying.  Our connecting flight from Honolulu to Kauai was on go! airlines.  Did you know that Hawaiian Airlines doesn’t have a baggage agreement with go! airlines?  Seriously!  That meant that if everything worked out, we would have just an hour to pick up our bags at baggage claim, and then run to the commuter terminal (again in the heat and humidity) and check in all over again.  We were seriously stressing that we would miss our connection, never see our luggage again and pass out from low blood sugar on the baggage carousel.  Thankfully, all of that wasted energy was for naught.  Somehow our bags made it on the same plane we were on and we made our connection. All was well and we eventually made it to Kauai.  =)

Today I woke up super early.  Chris and I are gonna tour the East and North sides of the island today and end up at Ke’e beach to lay out, swim and eat.  I’ll post pictures of our day later this evening.  Aloha all!

Tiny little airplane - but they had $3 Mai Tai's on a 20 minute flight!